“Chimera to affirm the impossibility of transforming past experiences, because if I
crave the sky not having wings, I am only a reverie for those who look at me, but, even
unable to fly with my fixed feet in which I am predestined arrested, this floor that
roots me is no longer absolute looking to what I crave so hard, my eyes fix itself to
the worldly desire, changing all the perspective, creating hardness, so I become
the most beautiful of all birds. This is the moment in which I discover that to accuse is
the comfort of the prisoner, because he points to what he doesn’t know
and believesto fly is an illness.”
Photography is taken a dramatic representation, used as approach core and exploitation of the self-psyche, emotional linkages, mental disorders, traumas and depression. In the case of memories that occurred in a substantial past, for the construction of the present. This same past is over, allowing changing lived situations, going to a new path to that experience through the photographic reprocessing. A derived and large in possibilities scene, which protagonist becomes auxiliary-ego, transforming its past in a perspective from another, distancing from the screenplay, desensitizing the situation through self-pictures frames that tells each step of the history, although allowing the manipulation, physical, digital and contextual of the denouement. The daily heart, ready to receive changes under remembrances not owned any longer. If there are ancestral beliefs, of situations and characteristics passed on, I believe that this lace was cut when the photography allowed me to materialize different ends of all the stories attributed to the story that was made of me. It was not possible to be back to the past, but each moment was reprocessed, redefining signs, and making a self-process from the substance.
"A Diary With Memories That I do Not Have" initiated in 2010. I started in photography with self-portraits and these symbolizes for me a catharsis sphere. In photography, began a unconsciously need to expose situations, trauma disorders, depression and phobias that I possessed and at the time did not know how to express them. It was also when I had contact and identification with the known "suicide photographers", specifically Francesca Woodman and Diane Arbus. Much has been revealed through this process and then the self-portraits were used as the basis of psychological treatments, specifically with psychodrama techniques (Jacob Levy Moreno - 1925) and EMDR (Francine Shapiro - 1987).
The photo was used as the basis for my difficulty to verbally explore my experiences. There was an identification of my photography with the roles of Development Theory, Inversion Protagonism and the Mirror Technique, which are techniques developed in Psychodrama and correspond to the phases of the self-portrait as a catalyst experience. In the self-portrait, my auxiliary egos were in charge of the stage and through this mirror, I applied the EMDR techniques (Desensitization and Reprocessing through Eye Movement). Since a trauma sequence was suffered, I possessed PTSD, therefore so much of what had happened was considered by myself as fictional. However, EMDR working both hemispheres of the brain, reactivated processing experiments that had been forgotten or aggravated. The dialogue with the cerebral hemispheres with ocular stimulation and binaural sound, began the metabolization through photography. I seek for a possible rescue of the molecular memory through the picture.
The result of this rescueare new memories occurred in a sequence of self-portraits, stimulated by sound and then reanalyzed in the case which includes these photo frames. Creating stories based on the pictures, you see as a viewer but adding to it a different ending which was actually experienced. This is the picture used as a desensitizer and reprocessor.
Binaural Beats experiments
I used a variety of frequencies along with personal audio recorded in my childhood.
Children's Drawing Analysis
Paternally my family was mostly mentally disabled, in short, suffering from schizophrenia. By stimulation of a second-degree uncle, Sávio (codenamed) who suffered of this disease, I started drawing everything that I felt and what was going on around me. Drawing was the first form of figurative expression of my trauma. Below, they address sexuality, abuse and domestic violence and were made at the age of 3 to 5 years old.
My first self-portrait called “Veneno” - "Poison" english version - (2010, São Paulo, Brasil) was realized in honor of Sávio, my uncle. Sávio was always holding one apple which he cleaned exhaustively, but never ate. For him, the apple was your world, where he had complete control over. That was my first experience with the materialization of the imagery. The picture is called "Poison", making analogy with the tale "Snow White". The apple symbolizes his madness, which led to his death in a social context.
RAPE - performance
"Rape" is my process of talking about the violations, which the only possible dialogue was with images - there is no voice, symbolically.